> But you'll do all that against massive societal forces.
What forces exactly?
> A few decades back you'd join one of the few organizations or clubs that happened in your area, and instantly be in a reliable community (if you adapt a little - let's ignore all the downsides for a moment).
I’ve joined two different clubs. One 7 years ago and one this year. Both have resulted in good friends, outings, and even trips to other states. There are more people who want to see more of me than I have time for.
> Friends would hook you up with a partner who's as nerdy as you.
I met my wife at a friend’s party 5 years ago.
> When I was young random strangers had regularly great conversations on trains. A city street was a village, you knew everyone.
I know my neighbors on both sides and across the street, and routinely have conversations with people I meet when I’m walking my dog.
> That is not coming back anytime soon.
I don’t think it’s gone anywhere. As far as I can see there are far more groups of people doing interesting things than I have time for. Mostly I’m turning down opportunities.
I have similar experiences as the top-comment. Moved to US in 2017, bought a house in suburbs of Seattle.. have great relationship with neighbors.. meet new people through kids' school. I went to houston for a short period and met some interesting people through meetup groups. I think some of it is just individual leanings - you need to adjust to be part of a community.
Exactly. I also have some enduring friendships - the longest having now lasted 14 years or so with people I met at meetup groups.
A crucial point that gets brought up on HN time and time again, is that you need to let yourself develop interests that are outside of work, and then you can meet people who share those interests.
What forces exactly?
> A few decades back you'd join one of the few organizations or clubs that happened in your area, and instantly be in a reliable community (if you adapt a little - let's ignore all the downsides for a moment).
I’ve joined two different clubs. One 7 years ago and one this year. Both have resulted in good friends, outings, and even trips to other states. There are more people who want to see more of me than I have time for.
> Friends would hook you up with a partner who's as nerdy as you.
I met my wife at a friend’s party 5 years ago.
> When I was young random strangers had regularly great conversations on trains. A city street was a village, you knew everyone.
I know my neighbors on both sides and across the street, and routinely have conversations with people I meet when I’m walking my dog.
> That is not coming back anytime soon.
I don’t think it’s gone anywhere. As far as I can see there are far more groups of people doing interesting things than I have time for. Mostly I’m turning down opportunities.